dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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