I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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