The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
