last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
