News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
