ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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