If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
