So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
