____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
