Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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