did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
