My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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