K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
