we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
