it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
