Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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