She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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