Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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