I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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