My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
