***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
