How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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