no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
