Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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