i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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