He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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