i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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