We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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