Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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