Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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