I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
