just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
