Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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