just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
