so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
