I think scott just propositioned me for sex
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
