Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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