As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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