My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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