Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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