may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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