genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
