I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
