He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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