I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
