her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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