can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
