dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
