Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He passed out mid-signature
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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