wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
