My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
