You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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