Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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