my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize