Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i think i just lost a toe
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
