I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You may now shotgun with the bride
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
