Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
