I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
