i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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