where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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