It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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